First Love

It is quite seldom that one's expectations become a reality. This is a story about the not-so-happy reality that true love cannot always make it through everything.

I will never forget the night we planned the rest of our lives together. We were to get married the year I graduate from college, and move into our own house in Penfield. We would have a great big dog and a cat, and we would have kids and travel the world. After over a year of being head-over-heels in love, I thought we were unstoppable. We had conquered the challenge of long distance almost flawlessly while beating the odds of managing our religious differences. I had no doubt in my mind that we would survive this mess of circumstances and prove everyone wrong. I thought our love for eachother was too strong to be broken. I was wrong.

However, there are no tears flowing as I write this because I know with complete certainty that my first love was unlike any other, and that it was real and it was beautiful. I also know that this is the way it has to be because this is what's best for him, and because I need the opportunity to discover what's best for me.

I think the hardest fact of reality is that just because you love someone doesn't mean you should be together. Sometimes, putting yourself first seems like an impossible task, but it truly is necessary. Remember all that you love, which is more than just one person.

I am the type of person who devotes all of my effort into one person or thing that I want at a time. I tend to think that I can have whatever I want as long as I work hard enough for it. Unfortunately, I've come to the realization that relationships need to be completely fifty-fifty in order to survive. Once one person forgets to feed the relationship because they are distracted by other desires, the progress deteriorates. Just because I put all of my effort into this relationship does not mean that he can. The love of my life handled the situation in the way that was best for him, which was to put his dreams before me. I lost sight of everything I wanted and decided that he was all that mattered to me. I learned the hard way that you cannot allow your happiness to rely on someone else. Balancing life and love is the most difficult task for me and many others by far.

Put yourself first, and hopefully you won't end up sobbing on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere like I did.

#love #caring #experiences #history #life #memoir #memories #moments #personal #reflection